The last update of The House leads to reminiscence and perhaps some precognition.  Gradually mastering epigrams, our staff has brought you the gamut of emotion: laughter, chagrin, hatred, and now despondence that us Seniors are peacing out and moving on (in some instances).  With our miraculous photography and brilliant captions we have tried to get The House closer to perfection, but that is for you, the reader, to decide.  As I sit here listening to the A*Teens promising themselves, I have to wonder how I will change millions of lives in the near future as a real person.  We have sincerely enjoyed you fucking people, even though we may have not been so outwardly affectionate.  Fuck eloquence; I'll miss most of you.  Who would of ever thought that I would miss leaving this place?  I will not lie some tears have been shed thinking of times past.  Take care of yourselves, and always keep it real.  TEAR2U.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

I thought it would be appropriate to write about my first memories of people.  Here we go: Mer- I was moving into Campisi 238 with a printer when I see my new neighbor in a bathrobe with a towel on her head trying to get into her room.  Neither of us say "hi" to each other, and I think to myself, "Damn I hope she isn't a dumb cunt."  Then on my next trip up, Mer's on the pay phone, trying to get a key to get into the room that she locked herself out of.  I, of course, looked the other way.  That would've inconvenienced me to help.

"Mer, don't yell at me for trying to get you really drunk.  Ben stole my ruffies, and in these modern times good looks and money just don't cut it anymore.  Girls like getting drugged.  Don't blame me; I'm no innovator."

From the creators of "Girls Gone Wild," they bring you "Mer's Obscene Intoxication Mixed With Her Low Self Esteem."

Jen's hot -> ew what is she doing with that homoghey Ferd -> yeah no (brown hair and bangs) ->

This picture focuses more on Sara but what the hell.  First time I met Ben: I was drunk and wanting to play pool in the lounge, but the front desk was closed so I couldn't get cues.  Ben and his little hairy monkey Charlie came up for some reason, and I demand they bring me a cue and balls.  Ben tells me he has shorty sticks at home, but not here.  I get pissed and storm off.  They look at each other and say, "What the Christ?"    End of story.

3 cards left... and the final King hasn't been pulled yet.  Good thing I'm done.

Mer had the unfortunate luck of pulling 3/4 Kings, and the last card was that- The King's Cup.  Drink and be merry!

Mer has been getting so foul out drunk lately I wonder if she is suffering from underlying psychological issues.

Thursday, June 2, 2005

It's been a good run with the camaraderie of Ice House and Cozy.  No two houses have ever gotten along so well.  Hopefully the nig-nogs that are moving in next year can be even 1/8 as cool as we are.

The bets are on: First girl who hooks up with a new Ice House member buys the rest a keg.

Thanks for making dinner Jen Gainza.  Along with my Johnnie Walker Green and Cherry Coke, it was scrumtrulescent.  I can't tell the difference between red, black and green label.  Why am I such a commoner, lacking the refined tastes of a classy gentleman?    I WANT TO BE A GENTLEMAN!

You are one beautiful creature.

We all got awards, and here is mine.  Nobody worthwhile at Cozy can hold public office as long as I keep up The House.

Huens was Nick's roommate and Nick kept on telling me how much of a douche he thought Huens was.  I met him during the Campisi BBQ and thought he was a nice enough guy.  Then we got to drinking, and I used to keep my beer in their room because I was a huge pussy, and one day it was gone.  This will forever be a mystery: WHO STOLE MY FUCKING BEER?

Don't you two hate each other?  Why do you pretend to be friends for me?

I don't really remember the first interaction I had with NRod, but I do remember thinking that he was a cocky bastard.  My first impression still stands.

You are one of the most quirky girls I've ever met, and I love it.  And think it's hot.

Doesn't it look like she has an oversized brain filling in that Giants hat?

Friday, June 3, 2005

Girls in skirts are hot.  Short skirts?  Even better.  Then add Lizzie's fuck-me boots, you have THE WINNNNAARRRRRR!!!1111oneoneone

Velis is always recording people with his video camera like that nog from American Beauty so I thought I'd put him in front of the lens for once.

I would not mind hollering at a Raimoni either.

I just read that birds can't count.  What the hell?

I received a FaceBook invitation to Kellan's Black Out birthday party because she frequently blacks out due to excessive consumption of alcohol.  I miss getting tangible invites by people walking around to everyone's house.

Everyone was supposed to wear black, but Ice House plus Greg (whatever, I guess he counts as Ice House now that he spends all his time here) are special, so we wore white.  We will whiteout your memories (with GHB).

Is the new thing to take pictures with really wide eyes?

That's a cute bomb you have there.  You're like Bomber Man: Cute Edition.

Bjorklund!  She doesn't need anything that isn't at least 12% alcohol by volume, i.e. the E. coli infected water from your dirty water bottle.

I believe this was some sort of strange dance / mating ritual.  I liked the Trees' Thriller dance better, even though I only caught the last 10 seconds of it.

I wonder if Aurelien still thinks that "I want to breed with you" is an acceptable thing to say to girls he thinks are the hotness.

In a surprise move that stunned millions, Yasu puts a worse picture of himself so the love of his life looks better.  I had two pictures, and in the other one, I looked better, but Jen didn't look so great.  I am such a nice person.

Saturday, June 4, 2005

Around 6:20am I woke up to people touching my door and some horrible banging of another door in the house.  I thought we were getting robbed, so after peeping out, I ventured out with my Glock and saw that we had been punk'd by Cozy.  They had put locks on all the doors except for Huens' and Dirty Dallas and Bric's (because they didn't have that metal piece).

They had also tied string to every door handle to make it harder to get out.  If only there had been a fire and we all perished because we were stuck in our rooms.  That would've weighed mighty heavily on their consciences.

Benton and I run over to Cozy and see a bunch of the BITCHES just hanging out in the kitchen.  We were not let in.  The thing is, they punk'd one of their own because Lizzie was sleeping over in Ben's room and she couldn't get out to "make water," so for 20 minutes she screamed "I have to pee I have to pee I have to pee."  And left us with some high quality toilet paper which we were in need of.

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

This motherfucker and I are day drinking together for the last time in our SC careers.  It's always such good times kicking it with Johnnie and Coke.

Thursday, June 9, 2005

What the Christ our house is clean now!  Our parents got us maids who maided our house and we got flowers, new soap, and a fucking bucket with napkins.  That's a nice touch.

And we also hired migrant workers, i.e. Greg, to pressure wash our driveway.  New Ice House boys: we spoil you.

When do you think there will no longer be a negative social stigma for meeting a person on the Internet?  Like it's kinda OK now, but people still giggle and it makes me feel bad.

I did not enjoy the last call I received from Vagenna.  "Yasu you are asexual and the love of your life is not attracted to you."  Thanks that makes me feel great.

Why are they dressed so funny?  Bellomy 4's Saved By The Bell party.  I was going to wear a bandanna and square sunglasses and carry a brick style Motorola mobile phone, however not having any of the aforementioned items, I rolled in wearing regular clothing.  Life truly is a struggle between the haves and the have nots.

At first glance, the picture is of Mer, but take a closer look, and you will see Gisele Bundchen in the back.  It's like one of those Magic Eye things, but not really.  Fuck that was a terrible analogy.

You have a nice figure.  Keep up the good work.

Lizzie McGuire is the hotness and she should take more normal pictures like this one (in the background) and not her funny face.  Do you love it?  That's hot.

The first thing I remember about Milo is Stricker used to rock him like a mofoin' sidekick.  That was always funny to my sophomore self.

You clean up nicely.

Hey!  Black people love me too!

Just for clarification, I do not smoke.  I smoked a few with Huens last week and we ran out so I bought some more, but they had a 2-for-1 deal so I bought 2.  Once they are done, I'm done.

We set up a pretty intricate plan of marriage, but we'll see how that all pans out.

The creators of the two most popular websites at SC.  I guess there is no use being humble anymore; YasusHouse.com > *.  kthanx4tryingbye.

Here are my Japanese friends minus one Kohei Omori.  Where the fuck were you man?

Friday, June 10, 2005

Vicencia made us all different picture bundles, and that was quite nice of her.  I like it when people use artistic talent to endow me with a present, à la Dave Ray and his dual beer ceramic masterpiece.

Our parents are coming; we have to get them half decent tables.

This BBQ operation is fucking fantastic.  They have a BBQ pit as a trailer and just drive around, drink and BBQ.  That is a fantastic life.

Lindsey is the most needy and demanding person on Earth.  Paris Hilton has nothing on her.  I would like to create a TV show based on her life vs. a person with real needs, such as that child you are sponsoring in Kenya.  That is how I will become rich and ironically laugh at poor people.

Bric gave an emotional thank you style speech, and there were tears in the audience.  You know you are either really good or really bad to bring tears as an orator.

I took this test on the Entirenet to gauge how I think: like a man or a woman, and I am in between.  I thought I'd get all emotional and start crying at this party, but I didn't, so I had that going for me.

I really wonder if people think that these two are dating when they are out on family outings to picnics, buffets and Little League games.

You left your skateboard over here asshole.

8 Ball, I cannot get over it.  You are the most teddy bear cute girl I've ever met.  What will you look like when you're 50?

This will perhaps be the last picture of Lindsay and me.  That's sad as replacements are not easy to come by.

Yeah Huens, she is pretty fucking ravishing.  I too cannot comprehend such radiance even after much reflection on the phenomenon.

They are probably sharing embarrassing stories about Ben.  I want to join.  That's like hours of fun.

Mosquitoes are the worst things ever created.

You two are coming closer to marrying/breeding age.  Will my fucking prediction ever come true?  I hope so, even if it's a Vegas wedding with a quick annulment, Britney Spears style.  That there is a classy girl.

Wow let's chug.  Brandon laughs at my insistence that I will be Paris and he Achilles, and that's fucked up.  Didn't I rock him at the OTR Beer Olympics?  Anyway, it was a dead tie.

Mattie buzzed his hair, and with that act he shows the world the traumatic life he's lived by way of all the scars on his head.

I'd been telling Ross that he looks like this one guy all quarter, but not knowing the other guy's name, I was banking on all three of us being in the same room at some point.  This is the dude, and apparently he lives with Ross.

Anyway, I fucking love hardboiled eggs.  I eat at least 4 a day, and the number can increase to a dozen if I am drinking.  Couple an egg with a copious amount of salt and it will bring tears to your eyes because it is so fucking delicious.

They breed them well on Mercer Island.

Magnums of Veuve can only really be enjoyed straight out of the bottle or in plastic red cups.

Here's Bric's mom and uncle, dancing the night away like it's a true Mississippi incestuous marriage.

People have referred to Rachel as a "natural beauty."  Do you like girls who don't wear a lot of makeup?  I do; I think that's hot.  When you look at girls with a bunch of makeup it looks so fucking gross close up because it's all caked up and shit and I want to crap my pants and die.

I really liked that one picture of Jill with her camera, so I told her to do another memorable pose, however it turned out to be almost the same one, but worse. 

Hey look!  Phil showed up.  He said it was his first "white" party in a long time.  That's funny because at SHP he rolled with crackers all the time.  Well I guess if he didn't he would be friendless (because there were like 2 non-white people there: me and him).  Solidarity.

When Snooder grabs your boobs, make sure you reciprocate or else she will be offended, k?  I guess that's how they roll in Oregon.

This is my physician, Kelsey.  It's nice cause she's free.  But she doesn't have a medical degree, so I guess that works out.

You could get hit with BB by opening your eyes like that.  Bigger targets = easier to hit.

Serene makes my pee-pee feel funny.

I just wanted to tell y'all that the tops of my feet are so smooth it also makes my pee-pee feel funny.

The top two search strings that lead to my site are "girls fucking" and "fucking girls."  Do you think that people looking for teh pr0n are disappointed coming here?  Maybe I need to branch out and make parts of The House kid friendly and other parts XXX.

Girl had the biggest bewbies of all time.  I was like DAMN. 

Oh wow it's nice of you two to show up at Ice House.

"Who is that adorable creature?"

"No hugs; I'm British.  We only show affection to horses and dogs."

She is holding me like an infant.

Did it ever happen?

We chugged again, but I don't remember the outcome.

But looking at this picture, I believe that Rasmusson is talking mad shit yet again, so I guess it could've gone either way.  Why are some so predisposed to have an argumentative nature?

Like the gay clown duo up in here.

This is me at a party... awkwardly standing around due to my social ineptness and introversion.

I think we chugged again, and the outcome was the cracker as the winner.  Why do people call white people "crackers?"  I guess Saltines are white, but what about Ritz or some of that flat bread cracker shit you get at those "ethnic" stores?

It was nice of these two rajahs to grace me with their presence.

Your sister has a cool name.  Why did your parents stop getting creative after their firstborn?

I got kissed on the cheek by a girl once.  It was pretty hot I won't lie.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Are you fucking kidding me?  How can they be drinking at this time after a night of steady intoxication?  SC has this tradition of "Dad's and Grads" where fathers and their offspring go to a bar at 5am and drink.  That's kinda hot... if I didn't feel like I was going to vomit at any point like Lizzie McGuire did in the stands.

I won't lie I felt like fucking death.  Drank till 3:30 and then woke up at 7 to primp.  I pulled the trigger two times but it wasn't happening.  I love you Marshall.

Luckily I snagged an aisle seat and felt bad about myself while listening to the A*Teens.  And drinking water.  And getting up numerous times to pee and/or try and throw up again.  I was seriously considering wearing a diaper to this because I thought I wouldn't get an aisle seat and it'd be a faux pas to walk around while the commencement was going on.  After talking to numerous friends, I came to the consensus that nobody knew how many times I could piss myself before it became uncomfortable.  I should've done a trial run.  Oh well things worked out for me in the end.

The engineers were the loudest by far, and I probably would be too because that is like the one time every few years where they can let go.  The funniest/most awkward moment of graduation was when Scanlon got boo'd on stage.

Erin was the last person to walk.  That's hot.  Proceeded by Ben, the forerunner.

I'VE GRADUATED!  I'M A REAL PERSON NOW YOU FUCKS.

Huens, you be my best friend at SC.  I'll miss living in the room right next to you.

BT, BAT and Lindsey were standing together and I said, "Yo let me take a picture of you two adorable creatures."  Thinking themselves as a trendy couple like Paris and Paris, they got in position to take a picture, however I pushed Linds aside and put BAT in the picture.  LOLOLOL.

You handsome motherfucker you need to lose a bit of weight.  Then you will be unstoppable.  Oh thank you for the compliment and advice.

Lizzie, don't cry.  In high school there was this hot girl and she got like eleven billion times hotter when she was either sad or furious.  You SHP faces will know who I am talking about.

Erin's kinda hot.  You people should roll with her more often, not only to enjoy her company but to improve your images.

People get offended when you tell them they look like other people.  I was calling the BLT Sandwich Kit DiJulio the whole night, and she was not pleased.

This Scandinavian god rolled me cigarettes and I have to say that they are quite smooth.

The Hut was fucking packed as shit, but many of the patrons were virtual unknowns.  That was befuddling to me, a man that spends hours on FaceBook to get to know who people are.  Just kidding I don't do that shit.

Thank you for ditching me girls.  That was a smooth move and made me feel great about myself.  And why are you matching?  You two seriously need to be joined in civil union and you can live happily ever after.  But is that what you really want?  I've noticed that some people cannot survive without drama, much like good food and drink.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Huens is the first to leave.  This is sinking in that we are going to be gone, and that's sad.

Well I guess we can play Flip Cup and have some fun.

Alex is not drinking because it is her 12:01 tomorrow.

Team Ice House rocked faces off.  Which is not surprising because your boy right here gives the team a great start.

Here are the losers.

Since it is always hard to get 16+ drunks to focus, we got a 3 on 3 game going.  I don't think this trio ever lost.

This foursome also dominated.  Do you see a pattern here?  I challenge any of you bitches.

Ben, don't ruin the moment.

LAST CAPTION.

Monday, June 13, 2005

The story of Mer appears to be coming along smoothly, but there has to be some action and reaction to make it an actual story.  Without a climax, the story of Mer will just be the writing on the back of a cereal box, to be discarded without much afterthought.

Michael Jackson was found not guilty on all counts.  That pleases me.  I guess he was not a likely candidate for the iron vacation, but the chance was there.  To celebrate, Cozy threw a party.  Oh and coincidentally, it was Alex's 12:01.

Borat says: "I like you.  HIGH FIVE!"

The first night I met Bjorklund I believe was at Dave / Bryce / Skylar's house and I made her wear a Burberry scarf like a peon from Yugoslavia.  That shit was hot.

Oh wait no the first time I met these two was at our house when Bjorklund was looking for her keys, and I said that only mechanical animals eat keys, to which she replied, "Then the couch is a mechanical animal."  I remember this because those were the days when I rolled with a voice recorder.

And I remember Biz Nasty being all sorts of vicious and violent.

I met the BLT at some DG thing sophomore year but I really got to know her in Yongtae Kim's class when I saw her and said to myself, "Dat girl is good looking" so I sat next to her.  Then we started playing Hangman and the like.  Loves it.

Hey look!  It's majority of the guys that finished cleaning Ice House (which was me, Ben, Jeff, Benton and Bric).  We were all not happy with Ferd while we spent the last days cleaning, however my hatred intensified so exponentially every minute I was there I thought I would turn into Darth Vader or some shit.

Well I guess it is only befitting the boy who bitches the most yet does the least.  Listen to the gall FerdiBITCH had: he broke the door of his room (my room) last year, and he failed to get it fixed.  The day before he left he asked Charles to get a new door, put it in, and bill his mom.  Even though the fuck knows that the door has to be cut because it's not a standard size and also has to get the hinge and door knob cutouts.  What kind of piece of shit naif asks that of a man who is leaving for Europe in a few days when he had a year and a half to fix it?

Here are the ringers.  It went down like this (for us): LOSE.  WIN.  TIE.  LOSE.  WIN.  LOSE.  LOSE.  Actually I don't fucking know; the first three are correct however.

The only reason I like C&J's is because they have Bud Ice.  That is a beverage the blue bloods choose.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

There's an elementary school near our house and remember when the science lab caught fire earlier this year in March?  Yeah it's on fucking fire again.  I would never send my kids there in fear of them being burned to death.  But I do hear that when you die in a fire, the fire kills your nerves so you don't really feel anything; it's the smoke that gets you.

I just have to reiterate that cleaning up the house was a gigantic bitch.  Thanks to all you faces who cut out early.

Because our couches were moved outside for our graduation party and we are too lazy to move them back in, we are lacking furniture.  So we used kegs.  We're classy like that.

Playing some King's Cup, Catie came up with a great category: houses at SC.  It went around and around for quite awhile.  I was very impressed; I thought Mer would fuck it up in the first couple rounds.

Can we finish all this left over alcohol in the next few hours?  Yeah no.  But I did drink a beer cooler and I will not lie that shit was delicious.

June 17, 2005 

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