Most of you have heard of our troubles, however there are a few who have been living under the proverbial rock: With $1000 in fines for noise violations, Mr. Benjamin August Taft and Mr. Kevin William Bric battled in court on February 3, 2005 to settle the matter, hopefully to our benefit. The outcome? 25 and 16 hours of community service, respectively. And if we have another noise violation? Automatic $900 fine. And another? It's CRIMINAL.
So say goodbye to one of your favorite party spots my bitches and little ones, for Ice House will no longer be known as a party spot; rather, in my mind, it will be known as The Dwelling That Misfortune Shat On. We will have to change our FaceBook group description. Dance parties? Perhaps, with under 20 people, and a total decibel level of under 50. Hot guys? Well there are a few. Tons of beer? Yeah... no. Only in my room, and I don't share. Ridiculous bar? Yes, but it will surely it will disintegrate from underuse.
We will miss you.
Friday, February 4, 2005
FerdiNEWDOO and I went to TJ Maxx to try and find uniforms for our team. I've never been there before, and thought they might have a bunch of fun, cheap t-shirts. I was the wrong. They have shit that is like 5 seasons old for a fraction of the cost.
Here are two enormous twins I saw. They looked very similar, however overweight people tend to look the same to me. What tipped me off to their duplicate DNA is that they were wearing the same clothes, down to the shoes, and were demolishing their Ben & Jerry's like they were going to have gastric bypass tomorrow.
It's the OTR Beer Olympics. I've been waiting for this shit all week. Here is the run down:
Singles
Beirut: Jeff and Ferd
Full Beer Chug: Me
Keg Laps: Kevin
Speed Quarters: Kevin and Benton
Marathon: Kevin
Keg Stands: Huens
Team Events
Flip Cup: Me, Huens, Ben and Ferd
Hockey: Me, Ferd and Huens
Frisbee team. As I was leaving after my teammates abandoned me during Day 2, they were in the lead. Good work. I was thinking GC would take Gold.
Bleeding OTR blue. The Beer Olympics is such a great idea. I won't lie, I'm sure many people have thought of such a concept, but lacked the inclination to actually set it up and host it. OTR sacked up and did it, so BIG UPS TO OTR.
BODY, or as I like to call them, the trees. One of their member has been flat out ignoring me as of late, and I don't know how I feel about that. Oh wait I lied I do know how I feel about it. I hate it.
Dave Ray, Mr. Dictator. Let the games begin BITCHES! They even had a flame that came straight from Athens, Greece. What a nice touch.
Our team was the only one without uniforms. So that actually worked out pretty fucking well.
Marathon. Take a shot of beer every minute until you puke or no longer feel the need to have pride. Caitlin did 2:49, with 3 other dudes, when it was decided that everyone wins gold. She had to be carried home.
I would've been quite displeased in hearing that my 2:49 of drinking nets me nothing of substantial worth more than anyone else. However I am the sucks at Power Hour, so I knew I would be the sucks at this. So I shouldn't talk.
Though our man threw up after 45 minutes, that is OK.
Jill was worried about going against our man in the first keg stand head to head. And rightly so, for she got owned. HAHAHA.
Apparently they live together now. Oh and I wanted to tell y'all that I threw up too.
Last caption.
Our first team we play against is GC. Ain't that a B?
They definitely beat us, but only by one cup.
When Manzo was doing a keg lap, Brad threw a full beer at him, making me laugh. LAFF.
First keg stand. Things are a little hazy, but I think GC won this round against the Frisbee team.
I guess if Huens lost against Jill that would be grounds for us to laugh at him all week. She does have a picture of her on a keg as her Facebook picture, so that is pressure for her to bring it.
Please don't be bitter because you lost. That is not good sportsmanship. Though what do I know about sportsmanship... I was talking all sorts of shit, especially when I won.
I want my laundry to be done.
Look at those marks on Huens' arm that his abusive boyfriend rained down on him. Time for a DQ Blizzard.
Dan, the guy in the red Ferrari hat (does he drive one?) looks like Andy Fuller.
Ferd made two shots straight out of a fucking movie, perhaps "Miracle," however Jeff couldn't finish and we ended up losing. Noez!
This is the man to beat. Beat him 2 times and Huens brings home the Gold. Let's go Huens, don't be a bitch.
A 59 second keg stand will do the trick.
Here is Huens' secret: throwing up after every keg stand at the risk of becoming a bulimic. The man sacked up and did his job, we can all attest to that.
Well please make sure we are not in dead last place...
Especially to these girls. That would be embarrassing.
Each house had to bring a house anthem, and it was played during the medal ceremony, just like the real Olympics. Ours was Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby."
I am not sure if other people felt this way, but I had much team pride. Much more so than school pride. I got more excited watching people do keg stands and keg laps than some fools playing basketball. That shit's boring. Unless they have popcorn at the game, which makes it a bit better.
Championship round. 63 seconds, and our very own Thomas Huens wins Gold in Keg Stands. Good fucking work.
One more time, for good measure. Oh did I forget to mention that motherfucker had to wake up at 7:30am to go to lacrosse practice? Nasty! And I was bitching about having to wake up at 10:00am.
Simple as a pimple, Rasmusson goes down. Twice. I was a little worried though, I won't lie. And it sucks that we had to go head to head in the first round.
Different color cans for different colored medals. How ingenious of OTR. I am impressed with the work they put into it. I am not impressed, however, how their cords are made out of some nice ribbon, while mine was a plain white string.
Benton got the Bronze in Speed Quarters. I've always hated Speed Quarters because you're drinking out of a cup that has a disgusting disc of metal in it. Think about where you see change- on the street, in the gutter, on a urine and feces stained bathroom floor, in (insert some dumb slut's name here)'s mouth... it goes on and on. The gross.
I don't know how Dave Ray got so fast, but I won't lie I was a bit intimidated.
Instead of pounding, I jumped the gun and managed to pour beer all over myself. It wasn't hot, especially since a Mr. David Ray won. Damn him.
Rachel at times likes to bust out the wings. Do you love it?
According to my source Carrie didn't even need to bend down to do keg laps. The low center of gravity must've helped her in the tight, circular track.
BITCHES. The House has gotten a little popular lately and I had to upgrade my hosting plan so I wouldn't run out of bandwidth. If I manage to run out now, that is when I will really know that The House has "made it."
Invariably, keg laps makes people discombobulated, so have a teammate or friend ready to catch you, lest you fall the fuck on your face, like one of the Frisbee team members in Day 2.
I heard through a source that after the fateful night when James spit on my shoes, he wrote on his board, "I spit on his shoes. And what of it?" Ain' that a...
I don't know what place I'd be in if I won this round, however I don't need to stress myself out with those details because I lost, again. And spilled even more on myself. My laughing at people's misfortunes has caught up to me.
Well at least I brought home the Silver for Ice. Dave Ray is now the undisputed champion at SC. Big ups to him.
Do you open your eyes when you're kissing someone? That's awkward.
I hope that is straight EverClear that you're drinking. It would be sad if it was apple or orange juice. When I was a shorty I hated orange juice, and always chose apple, however now I am a fan of orange juice. Pulp free, of course.
This is like the second time I've seen Prickett out this whole quarter. What have you been doing?
Do not worry I will find the postcard that was hand delivered from Berlin.
It's Dirty Denise's birthday party and it is apparent that there was not much going on for they are all here, not there, save Dirty Denise. Where was that one? Oh and Mer is not "slow," they had a pajama party and all wore onesies and played Spin the Bottle and such. That would've been hot, if certain individuals were present. HAH.
Little Red Riding Hood: "But, grandmother, what big eyes you have," she said.
Wolf: "The better to see you with, my dear."
Mer, I would like that $5 some time soon. At least for your sake, since the juice is running. She bet me that Napoleon Dynamite doesn't have a twin brother, but I saw them both on Jimmy Kimmel, so that was a sure thing. She didn't trust IMDB, so we Googled it and since random ass people had that fact on their webpages, she OK'd that. Strange.
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I thought this was Jamie but on closer inspection it is not her. Lesbian love is hot, however not as hot as the Cluck U and Safeway fried chicken I had.
Saturday, February 5, 2005
Having only one beer, Lizzie McGuire asks us if she should shotgun a beer. Of course; is that even a question? Shotgunning brings back good memories. The fastest shotgunner I know is a Mr. Peter Maag. Can you shotgun faster than chugging?
Our ringer Lizzie McGuire is wearing a huge sweatshirt. We are no longer in the 80's. Oh BTW if you didn't know, here's the latest gossip. Lizzie McGuire and Benji Taft are dating. Go tell everyone you know and be happy for them.
Day 2 of Beer Olympics brings us to team events. Here's our first keg lapper, Lizzie McGuire. 8 laps... in heels. That was the average for most, however T-Mo owned everyone with 14.
Some unfortunates, however, tapped out with a mere 5.
Flip cup time. Our team of Ferd, Ben, me and Huens, in that order, lost to the eventual winners, Flop.
Then we switched up the order because Ben was choking, making him last. With me yelling "Don't choke asshole!" to Ben, we beat Lion's Den, a house that prides themselves on being good at Flip Cup. I have never played before this night. BRONZE2US.
After losing at Hockey to GC, my housemates abandoned me and so we did not compete in the sure win for Ice- Boat Races, where 5 people go down a line, chugging when the person next to you is done. Like Flip Cup, without all that flipping.
Happy birthday Swoboda!
And Trisha, Happy Birthday to you too!
Why are handgun sights painted but rifle sights aren't?
I told this girl the other day that she looked like another girl. She got really upset, and said, "Ew that's so mean! She's so ugly!" Then she stormed out with her friend and yelled back, "You ruined my birthday!" After that ridiculousness I caught even more flak from the remaining person. Should I feel bad if I tell someone that she looks like someone I think is hot?
For all you people that piss me off- I would like for you to drive your car exclusively in your garage. With the door closed.
Go to Cloud 9, (Do not worry I give you permission to barge in. The girls may not feel the same way and call the gendarmes on you, and then I will laugh at you.) and look at the pictures they have on the wall near the stairs. The one of Robyn is ridiculous. kthanxbye.
Quick! Look at the girl in the green, and tell the person physically closest to you who she resembles. Then see if the person agrees. If so, good work. If not, HAHAHA better luck next time motherbitch.
I came up with a good Would You Rather in my sleep the other night. IN MY FUCKING SLEEP. I am so advanced.
"Ok hi, we just looked at the house... two errors in your drunkenness last night. We are showing you that she has the biggest eyes ever and I have the longest fingers ever. You thought that was funny last night and chose to document our extremities."- Bjorklund
"Secondly... the weird pose of me and Meg is the same as the postcard me and Mona brought you from Berlin."- Bjorklund
Look at the picture above, then look at this picture. Discuss amongst yourselves any similarities you may see.
Sunday, February 6, 2005
It's Jenna's birthday lunch on Super Bowl Sunday, and you know, since I'm one of the girls I was invited. There is this gay guy in one of my classes that wore a leotard to class. I knew they would be late, and so I purposefully came pretty late, but was the first one there! Damn.
"The pictures you have of me always look stupid," complained Jaclyn. What can you say to that besides, "That says more about you than me, Jac." HAHAHAHA LAFF.
February 6, 2005