That is right little ones, I have new models for The House. And since I really have nothing better to do, I won't lie, I counted each instance of the individuals in the title. Dave Ray is in the lead with 13, Screbant trails by 5 and is closely persued a mere point behind by Molly. I was featured 25 times while Ben Taft actually won my little contest with 15. He is so good looking. School is owning me, and it displeases me.
Oh- for those of you abroad. Email me some pictures, and I will make a "Friends of Dr. Chiba Go Abroad" update.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
I hope Harvey is pointing out the ass hat that FUCKING STOLE 2 BOXES OF MY VEGGIE NUGGETS!!11!!1!@!1!1!11!!! ME ANGRY!!!!111!!!!!11!!111 That is right, I buy the Morning Star Buffalo style nuggets because they taste better than real chicken and it deters other people from stealing my food, however it never occurred to me that someone would steal 2 boxes from me.
Not as good as the infamous Picture 54, but up there nonetheless.
These guys are from France, and at first I thought they were fucking around with me, but after a bit I knew they were foreigners. So I told them that in America, when you fancy a girl and think she is fit, you tell her that you want to breed with her. The guy in the middle kept on telling Jacey he wanted to breed with her while I stood by laughing and laughing. I rule.
I didn't take a picture of him for fear of reprisal, but this dude behind Kevin is probably the coolest guy I know. He followed Uxua home and told her she was "prime real estate," and that he had 8 girlfriends and like 9 houses. Then he showed us some paraphernalia that blew my mind.
Geibel was talking all sorts of shit, and clowning "the dude." The dude has 8 girlfriends? Geibel has 12. The dude has 9 houses? Geibel has 15, plus a castle in Scotland and a chateaux in Switzerland. Hilarious.
Friday, October 1, 2004
HAHAHA this girl always makes me laugh because she looks exactly like Follet. I seriously cannot tell them apart, except for the fact that Follet still thinks I stole her fridge and gives me the icy stare (no not an ICY HOT stare) but I'm over that now. Can you tell the difference?
A cocktail party over at Ross' house, where he looks mighty snazzy. I'm always out of the loop, and didn't know about it till that day, so I had nothing to wear! Oh noes!!111!!1!! A crisis, Alicia Silverstone in "Clueless" style!!1!!1!!
"I Took the Night Off From Drinking"
Yo, yo, my liver hurts, yeah the organ on the right side
Cirrhosis is a fatal disease, please don't chide
I used to have long hair,
but lost it in on a bet for the 911 Challenge; good thing they didn't use Nair
they used scissors... those junk drawer scissors
it made me cry, the humiliation and the burning, and on The House, in the pictures, you'll see my incisors
cause I was gnashing them like I was a Tyrannasauras Rex
would you like to go out for some mex?
here are my signs I flash, nobody knows them
it means I am ionic, I'm a master at o-chem
I went to see Napoleon Dynamite
and I have to say, dang, even I make him look white
"I'm a Finance Major, But Hate Money"
I used to study English, I really miss it
my parents made me switch, like I'm still suckling my ma's tit
WHAT THE FUCK
some bad bad images come to mind
when I graduate, I think I may be in a bind
y'all need to get me a job writing for a TV show or something
or perhaps get me my own show, one where I get to sing
if you can hook it up, I'll let you hang with me
and by that, when we go out on the street, you'll be seen
and it will improve your image
so I'm actually doing you a favor, so you can practice your ownage
Some dude called me Batman, which is this man right here. WTF, I really don't understand how I can be confused with him, especially since we have different haircuts.
Time out to cuddle with Gunnar, before the spooning gala to follow.
I think Catie did something stupid, so I went to take a picture of her but she turned around. I asked these 2 later and they didn't remember what she did. Or perhaps they do, but would like the rest of the world to forget about it. I fucking hate it when I can't remember things... like the answers to a test.
Throwing the shocker out there to y'all lot reading this, it's the C Squared. Geibel looks happy, perhaps he took advantage of said service?
Ro and Raymond, my little pocket Asian. Where have you been!!!!11!! I haven't seen you in like 7 years!1111!!!!11!1
Under the guise of turning away because I take "bad" pictures of Lindsay, she shows us her new $200,000 ring. That's real nice. And if I take bad ones, I wonder what good ones would look like.
French cuffs french cuffs. Look at these two studs sporting them. French cuffs own all of you unsophisticated retards.
If you fall down a never ending hole, you will die of thirst. But I bet you'd perfect your flips by the end of Day 1.
Nice. Lindsay allowed the picture, provided Ro was in it too. Grood. Great. Good.
Look at this drunk bastard.
I am fairly certain this is the girl I called Avril Lavigne, and she got really surly. Yes I understand that Avril = the bad without makeup, (holler at this), however when you look like someone, you look like someone. But I guess I can see how one wouldn't want to be called out by some random dude, even if it is The Marquis of Oxenford.
Apparently I'm so good looking I attract dudes too. I was in Benson with an associate, visiting an unnamed friend who was with some dude. The whole time I was there, he was staring at me, sometimes with his hand cradling his face. And this is when other people were talking too. I was flattered, but still, I found it a little odd. Question for you insecure dudes out there: If a guy tells you he thinks you're good looking, are you flattered or disgusted?
Good God.
Me hears through my sources that Pat is a good singer/guitar player. I would like to hear some good covers, immediately, if not sooner. kthanxbye.
Why is every picture I have of B.T. (no not the dude who produced 'N Sync's "Dirty Pop," bop bop, BT, sick and tired...) is of him sitting in that dirty chair with another dude? Oh Lean Cuisine is surprisingly good. You can bring me some if you'd like.
"My Name Be Julie, Bitch, Not Emily"
Fuck you bitches, my name be Julie
Emily be my sister, don't make me surly
We is all individuals, and even if our moms and pops be the same
mistaken identity is lame
I will say this, our mannerisms are identical
like when we pull out the Glock while rolling our eyes, that's tactical
as you can see I isn't always grammatically correct
when I put on the Puma and the headband, a g'ed out thug is what you'll get
y'all are wasting my time, I got fortified wine to drink
and coats to wear, they be mink
I will end you
Because you're so cute and furry, and I love your little black jumper too. She reminds me of Nole from America's Next Top Model Cycle 3. If there's a man that is the most quirky homosexual man EVAR, it is he.
Why is it that every picture I take with Ray, he looks like he either 1. just took a shot of Everclear or 2. ate like 5 Super Lemons and is going ASMFAKSDFJKASDFASLKDF SOUR!
Dave is Julie's boyfriend, and all they have to say is this: "When we're not living life a quarter mile at a time, we discuss how true 'Love is nothing in the game of tennis, it only means you lose' is."
What happened?
When you drink Miller High Life, the champagne of beers, the ladies come flocking like bees to honey or slutters to a frat party because it invokes images of a man of leisure, debonair and thinking nothing but of cigars, fine wines and gentlemen's games, like polo, tennis and golf.
"I'm Cute, Tee Hee"
The 49 times I look in the mirror each day
I say tee hee I'm sooo cute, and keep all the boys at bay
I am the direct result of good breeding
a rendevous is what I want with you, a meeting
and by you i mean Enrique Inglesias
not you counterstrike fags, y'all are a loss
perfect symmetry is what I am
so to you moms, I say, thank you ma'am
pops, you had a hand in it too
actually not a hand, but you get the idea, at least i hope you do
Awesome possum.
"I can't afford a box of chocolates
so yo, here's a yoo-hoo
the voodoo that you do
is something I'm not used to
But I won't decline cause in time
I'll be true blue"
Saturday, October 2, 2004
I lost $30 again at the horse track. But after food and paying me back $7, Ben came out even. And he won a shirt, as did Cristina. I want to win something. I will say this though, there was this girl that was working the parking gate, and she was so slamming it was awesome. And she let us in for free. BFFT bitches.
It's the yellow shirt club, but also the loser club. I hate Ben I should've left him here.
What an interesting way to park. Though I guess if I spent like 30x the amount of my car's worth for rims and airbags, I'd show them off too.
A little gay, in the literal sense. And by a little I mean really. Instead of taking pictures of the one fairly good looking girl at this lingerie party, I'm taking pictures of Brian's ass. I will say this, to save some face and dignity- someone made me.
Hey yo it's Mike Stanley. He's like, "Don't put this picture up if it's bad." I didn't plan to take a bad one, but these things happen. And his girlfriend Paulina was wearing that $500 Burrrrrrrrrberry skirt I like so much, and it was hot.
I really don't know what to say here, except I don't like all these theme parties. Last night was Cops and Robbers, but I dressed as an undercover agent, i.e. normal clothes. And no I didn't have a gun on me. I want to have an animal party, and if we do, I call dibs on a cow, mouse and chinchilla. I can't decide which one I'd like to be.
I hope there's no chloroform on that oven mitt. BTW, whoever is trying to figure out my IMChaos password, HAHAHAHA I laugh at your stupidity. You will never figure it out. But I'd like to know who you are, since you know some of my old school screennames. But you are missing the key one.
Calling all TABs. I want one, very bad.
You: TAB (this is very important), shoulder blade length hair, with lots of highlights, 5'3", fake Fendi purse, real Prada sunglasses, drive a silver Acura Integra, and have a cell phone with lots of Hello Kitty stuff hanging from it.
Me: Your typical Asian gangster, pistol packing, D&G suit wearing, constant cell phone using, techno bumping, yellow Rice Rocket driving. Holla atcha boi.
We got a new stove, and there were these pretty hard pieces of cardboard used in the packaging. Ben and I were hitting each other with them, and I won't lie it hurt and I yelped like a small dog when you step on its tail. I would imagine that would hurt, especially if the person stepping is overweight.
HAHAHA we owned the bitches that live behind us at Cozy. We were bored, so we decided to do some breaking and entering. I was sent out as a scout to reconnaissance the house, and it was dark and I ran into Jenn and Walt, freshly after they committed lewd acts. I was caught off guard, and didn't really know what to say, so I escaped back to where my backup crew was waiting. We went into battle together and made fun of Jenn for a good 20 minutes.
We walked back to our house, waited for a bit and then went back to steal some of their shit. It started out small- microwave, George Foreman grill, and then we moved up to dining tables and chairs. We cleaned them out.
Sunday, October 3, 2004
This is the aftermath of us hitting each other with the cardboard. Ben looks like he's been physically whipped, instead of just psychologically whipped by one EA. I didn't have all of these bitch marks because of my natural resilience and imperviousness to pain. When you grow up in the hard knock life, you learn to deal with things. I should've taken a pic of his stomache, he had the ugliest bruise, EVAR!11!!!!!!!
The next day we set up their shit in our driveway and invited them over for lunch. Then we laughed and laughed. Why couldn't Jenn put 2 and 2 together? Of course it was us that stole the stuff, why would else would we, especially me, be there at 3 am?
It seemed to be a good idea at the time, but bringing everything back sucked.
We couldn't get the couch through the hole in the fence so we did the next best thing- left it on their lawn. I guess some Sig Pi's took their furniture out last week and put For Sale signs on them. That makes me laugh. We were going to steal their cars, "Gone in 60 Seconds" style, but we thought it would be inconsiderate because they had work in the morning. And wouldn't it be sad if we got DUIs?
Tuesday, October 5, 2004
Just in time to be synonymous with that day we call Halloween, Wieland puts some orange in her hair, like Ginger Spice. She was the best Spice Girl, by far. OMG.
Lightner likes to do hair.
I was talking to these two, and by two I mean Barnett and the man above, Lightner, and observed that they had very similar hairstyles, and I curiously asked about it. Apparently Lightner did Matty's hair, with "various hair products." HAHAHA their metrosexuality makes me laugh. No man, except Kyan on Queer Eye should ever call gel/mousse/fap "hair product."
It's a Cops and Robbers party at 10 Spot and here is Candoo dressed up as Martha Stewart, since she is a robber and a convicted criminal. I figured it out, Taylor Hanson looks like Candoo. More than Kristi looks like Michelle. OMG OMG.
This is a shout out to Colleen Coen, my relationship advisor who is always on call. She claims to have created the Sibling Beauty Theory with me in French class, however I do not remember this.
Here's Ray contemplating his next move. Do you ever wonder what people are thinking? I would do anything to have the power to know what people are thinking, all the time. Though I wonder if it would sound like a melody of voices coming together, and then you couldn't differentiate each voice!!111111!1!!!1!!!! That would be the worst thing, EVAR!!!!!1111!1111!!!11
Here is the picture that was in the newspaper article. I got owned, but I don't know who to blame. All the good shit was cut out, and it made me look like a tard. I should sue them. *NOTE: I DO NOT SMOKE*
"Paradox"
The word by definition is something that is to the contrary
that's what I am, a model who aspires to be a felon
when I'm in jail, will they serve me melon
one thing I know for sure, I will not have Dr. Scholl's, so I won't be gellin'
a girl I think is hot is McNamara, Kellan
for how long, that I ain't tellin'
but the DVDs and tapes, that I will be sellin'
what I just said is a repellant
oh well, that makes me a villain
which was my original goal
For those of you in my Finance class, this be Ryan Johnson, not Johnson Ryan. Though they are pretty generic names, he does not look like Eminem, the generic version.
These two were at Safeway when some little kid randomly starts talking to them about Halloween, and looking at a picture of a bride and groom, he goes for Halloween you two should be a bride and groom. HAHA when a little kid can pick up the obvious, it means something. And since I don't bet on anything except my friends' futures, I'm betting heavily on this one. My whole life savings. $304.68. Might be a little more now with my 2% interest though. How am I such a baller?
It is Shehan. I always told you I'd write you a song called "Sri Lanken Delight," and here it is.
"Sri Lanken Delight"
Though it may sound like a good ass ice cream
we're talking about me, a gangster straight out of germany
oh wait by that i mean Sri Lanka
have you 'eard of it? we're right next to India
the place that has Bollywood, they make a lot of movies
where girls and guys dance around in colorful clothes
to my right, you can see Ekatarina, she be a Russian
a white Russian, the drink, no the person, wink wink
hahaha no I'm not hollering at her
I 'ave my eye on a girl who likes the Backstreet Boys
Nick is sooooo cute!
I like Tobin I think she's hot.
When Jenna gets in the mood to take pictures, several MBs are used; luckily I have a big memory card so I have that going for me.
End of night.
I got owned 3 separate times today. It fucking sucks. Especially when I keep on getting owned by a certain someone. Damn her. Someone as important as me should not being getting owned this much. It drives me to the drink.
Here's the article that Jenna wrote. Click on it for a bigger picture so you can actually read it. The editors cut approximately half of it out, and all the good shit, so it reads funny and doesn't make sense. I don't like being owned in print. So I was going to send them a picture of another Asian man, or maybe even a girl, and see if they notice. You know, cause all Asians look alike. But then Cohen said that I was too narcissistic to do that, and I thought, "Well if there ever was a true statement, it would be that one." Oh and the original title was "Your Future Pre-Nup Agreement Signer."
Friday, October 8, 2004
Ben discussing his strategy for Century Club. I timed, since Century Club owns me. And I wanted to listen to my music for once. If you are a real stunner, you do Power, Half Hour, like Nicholas S. Book and Aaron K. Stricker.
A shot of beer a day keeps the Dr. away. But 131 shots in 2 hours, that will probably bring the Dr. a knockin'. I like how Bric wears a hat with a "B" to make sure y'all remember his name.
Here's all who partook in the Century Club- Bric, Jeffy and Taft went 131 or something, Benton I don't know, and Swendiman maybe like 6? Then she got drunk and fouled out. HAHAHA people who can't handle their liquor amuse me. I haven't fouled out in so long!!!!111!111!11!! I hope I didn't jinx myself.
I would have to say, Doug, that The House owns Blame It On Buddy, like 1000000000x.
HAHAHA I laugh at their pathetic attempts to build a beeramid. Holler at this picture, it's the gem that I built in my closet freshman year. It all came crashing down when a Red Bull fell from above. It should've given itself wings, because it sounded like the world was ending, and it fucking made me cry.
No Ben, it's not the appropriate time to play Stink Finger.
I've only seen Jeffy shit faced once before, and this night he is dancing like a stripper and rapping Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise."
"Who Are All These Bitches"
You random fucks, I understand that y'all want to hang with me
this is very obvious, something even a blind person can see
though I do sometimes enjoy the attention
when you fail to introduce yourself because of intimidation
I don't know who the fuck you are
and no I'm not going to open up the yearbook and search for you, though I may know you by your car
and you freshman dudes, thinking you're thug
when you roll into a party with 7 boyfriends, and mug
you come off as exceedingly gay
and I will treat you as such, and "HAHAHA I laugh at your blatant homosexuality" is probably something that I will say
"Bitch I'm 2 Legit To Quit"
Back in the day, I used to listen to Hammer
See, at that point he'd dropped the M.C., I was watching Full House, with Stephanie Tanner
I wonder what it would be like to be a child star
a lot of them I see on the telly, all they do is smoke cigarettes with lots of tar
because they hate their lives, they will never be what they once were
except for jordan knight, he is awesome, I would like to have him sing herrrrrrrrrr
I could be his roadie
am I a little kooky?
look at that coach purse
can I have it? I won't reimburse.
HAHAHA when I ask for a pose why would they embrace like they are long time lovers!!1!1!!!1?!1!!?????!1!1!1!???
I love Steve Ferdinandi. Girls think he's cute too. He is available, so if you would like to procreate with him, let me know and send me at least 2 8x10s of you, which I will present to Steve. If he agrees, you pay me a $100 commission, and I will hook y'all up. Guys are welcome, however I will have to ask an extra $400 in commission.
Why Harvey is looking all hard, I do not know. Why I am so awesome, I do know. It's called the Divine Right.
Jena Malone and Cristina went to a stripper party, because they are deviants, and I thought the dude would dress up as a cop, and "arrest" the birthday girl, just like at Ignoc's party, and I was right. I am so awesome.
Here you go Caitlin is this picture satisfactory? Only the finest.
I think the people at the end should hook up, Mini Mer and Mini Ferd, to make a super mini Mer-Ferd. Merferd would actually not be that bad of a name. It sounds very chic, and the child could practice subterfuge.
You ready for the heat? Yes yes it's the Harveys and they are 100% cool and hot hot hot. You can see Tom in the background, trying to be sly, wanting to play Stink Finger, however he didn't call me back, so it's not going to happen. When people don't call me back I think, "OMG OMG the person hates me! Oh noes1!!11!!!!1!!! What did I do!1!1!1!!!!1!11!111! :-( :-( :-( :-("
"Pat, You're Squishing Me"
Your hold is like Steven Seagal and his iron grip
I close my eyes, and think, it's over in 5, it's over in 5, hold on I'm thinking of a tulip
a nice flower, but not as hot as 99 white roses with a red one in the middle
OMG OMG that would be nice, that is something that would make me not quibble
whatever happened to Steven Seagal
Under Siege was an awesome movie, I really wish he would call
that would be random, and I love surprises
but not if they consist of 100 Eliza's
I was talking about Minelli
I'm about to pass out, Kelly
"When I Look To The Side, I Look Dignified"
I've always been amazed with the Sphinx
its nose is all blown off by Napoleon, I think that's what did him in, a mysterious jinx
a profile shot always is a good picture of me
you see, it's all about symmetry and ratios, unlike that ugly mofo'er, General Custard Lee
I like the color purple, it reminds me of wine
"I am a sommelier" is always a nice line
to hear from a gentleman caller
but only if he pops his collar
haha just kidding. as you can see, I'm drinking Keystone Light
it's not Anheuser, it's not Bud Light, not quite
but these cheap bastards wouldn't give me one
get me out of here, take me to Cinnabon!
Fuck. Last caption. I can't think of anything. kthanxbye.
"I'm Trendy, Fuck You, So What"
I sit at home, watching MTV and reading trendy magazines
to see all the new styles, and what I need to have and wear
oh noes!111!!1!! the low carb diet, can I eat beans????
what is Kanye West doing these days, I really do care
popping the collar, grabbing my nalgene bottle and one strap bag
oh I hope that people will notice how cool I am
some ugly girls wave at me, and I flash signs, while I sag
gangsta fashion is where it's at, Shady Ltd., oh damn!
I look around, and realize I look like everyone else
how can I differentiate myself
I can't. :-(
A very gay, picture, however I appreciate Verber and his stunnerness. He was doing burn outs on his bike though I missed it due to a preoccupation with a certain entity. Oh noes.
Saturday, October 9, 2004
Yes I actually went to Hanson. All I wanted to hear was MMMBop, and they didn't disappoint. I have come to the definite conclusion that Taylor Hanson is an extremely good looking girl. The Warfield is a very cool venue, however they were confiscating cameras like it was the LA Riots, and it's in a shady neighborhood.
Isn't it funny that the first time I talked to Molly it was about Hanson, and a few weeks later they have a concert? Coincedence, not irony, you stupid fucks. Oh and BTW no it wasn't all 16 year old girls, though that would've been nice, I won't lie. The population was all sorts of diverse, and the people watching was splendid.
Let's do this, let's chug. Kelsey took this tilted picture because she thinks it's artistic, however it's annoying to look at. Even when it's a picture of the Great Dr. Chiba, XIV.
I owned Ray. HAHAHA.
Gunnar's idea: Are these two a disastrous couple, set to break up in an inferno of hate and fire balls? Oh wait they aren't Asian and lack the mystical powers of smoke bomb throwing and fire ball shooting.
Or are they happy, to the point that outsiders think they are constantly on drugs? They keep on telling me to stop saying that they are dating, because it's not true, but it is only awkward because of one reason and one reason only.
Flaherty thinks he is a pimp. Ladies, make of that what you will. Dave Ray has to wake up in 6 hours to go weed a large area because he got owned by the police. That sucks.
Ray wanted me to take a picture of Gunnar's ugly ass shirt, so here it is. You can see Zane in the back, he did the 911 Challenge and always tells people that they are crazy. Maybe he just wants people to associate crazy=zany=Zane. A clever, insidious way to have people remember his name. I'm so bad with names.
One of the very few times that I rolled out without my backpack. I didn't stock my fridge because I thought I wouldn't go out tonight since I'd be getting home around midnight, however beer and Dave Ray called, so there you have it. And they didn't have any clean cups, so I had to wash one out. And then they ran out of beer, but this guy hooked up a few. Which was nice.
After calling Dave the Notorious F.A.G., this little one got all flustered and starting talking shit, saying that chugging is half mental and he was going to own me. I laughed at his ignorance, because I realize that it's mental, and that is why I can beat him all sorts of times. Two more chugs, and I'm on top, again.
It's Ross and Andrea, the Pokeman crew! I like Pickachu so much can I have him?
A bunch of random people walked in and this one started asking for Ben Taft, so I had to ask if she wanted to procreate with him. Then she mentioned her last name was Anderson, and I realized that she is Susan's little sister. OMG OMG HI2U!1!1!!!11!!!!
This is who C Squared was hollering at when she was 15!!!1!1!1111!! OMG OMG JAIL TIME!1111!!111!!
NRod rolls in with some chew and a cowboy hat. I think he's confused, he's not a white Texan!
God Harvey talks so much shit. First it was "I can drink more than you," and now it's "I can break your neck from 100 yards away, even if you are armed." Let's put it to the test. Only Sebourn and I are right, there is no way that Harvey can even touch me before I blast his ass in a flurry of 9x19s. Unless he is a ninja. That would change everything.
Get a ride from Kevin, it's really fun.
October 10, 2004