Yo yo yo!!! What up what up this is Douglas P. Kopf in this new installment of The House!!! Naw naw I'm just playing. I tricked you, this is your friend Sir Dr. Chiba XIV, Ph. D., M.D., D.M.D., D.D.S., M.S., Esq. Damn you say!? How did you get all them fancy titles? Well that's what happens when you study hard like Dr. Chiba. Stay in school, don't be the fool. And the "Sir?" Well the Queen of England was apparently impressed with my intellectual conditionalities and my rhyming capacities. So she wad (that's not a misspell motherfucker) like Dr. Chiba EX EYE VEE come to England in GV-SP and I will knight you. So I did. And she did. Lastly, the EX EYE VEE. When you are the greatest person alive like I am, you can play around with numbers with impunity. Well I have come up with a new format for The House. See, I will wait until I have a bunch of misc. pics and I will put them all on one page. Like here. Except for when something really special happens, like when I meet Lizzie McGuire. Speaking of Lizzie McGuire, if anyone can find me a 2003 calendar of her or her show please buy it and I will pay you back. Or an A*Teens one. The A*Teens is my favorite band now by the way.
Off to the gun show... in Jake's ride.
On the way there this fugly girl tried to get us to get the car washed. Uh, don't think so. Anyway they didn't let me bring a camera into the gun show. But it was weak, so you all out there on the Entirenet aren't missing much. I really really want a shotgun. I tried to buy one but they didn't let me because I am not a "permanent citizen."
The picture is dark so you can't really see, but some guy was trying to climb up to the third floor via the desks and lamps. Apparently he fell back and broke everything. According to the "word" on the street, he was climbing up threatening to beat the people on the third floor balcony up. Hahaha what a donkey.
Here is James at some kid's house preparing to sho-gun a 33 oh zee's Asahi "big can." When the homeless man was buying the beer for us, the guy at the register couldn't get over how big the can was. We were like, dude you work here this isn't anything new.
"Just like candy"
Indeed.
I don't understand why girls can't use their own bathrooms. If we used the girl's bathroom we would be sued out of our houses for sexual harrassment and shit, however there is a big double standard. So we locked this really mugly girl in there. But she was a burly burly bitch and opened it and talked shit to all of us. And made me cry.
You remember our friends James, the jewlery, Cohen, and the C squared.
Here is Jocelyn who I like to call 'Clyn, and Susan. I don't remember taking this picture.
Look at the shithole our room has become.
Yeah me and Cohen are so ghetto we just keep our trash in these big black sacks and just wait until we have like 2 or 4 of them before we throw the shit away.
Ok, last time, here it goes, my lyrical skills that I flow; spiritual. Here is Dr. Chiba Esq. and gorgeous Jenna. Jenna's father is a senator who flosses a G-IV. At this party she has the audacity to come up to me and say why are you standing there trying to look cool. You're not cool. You really hurt my feelings Jenna. I went ahead and was a TV repairman and fixed her TV. I requested a written statement of gratitude, but only got laughed at. That wasn't too stunner I thought.
Earlier this week, the Jew straight up poured beer on this poor girl's head, turned around and continued talking to us. And he didn't even remember it.
You made her cry.
This is Annie and Slina. Annie was really surprised I knew her name. I like Annie because she always opened the door for us last year. Why are people so surprised I know them? Am I that anti-social?
This is the Tom. Tommy Hilfiger when he's drunk.
See, Slina wants to be gangsta like me, but she is not from the CPT, Compton. Notice I am drinking beer out of a fucking water bottle. They ran out of cups. And they ran out of beer really quickly too. It was so weak the guy on the tap was only serving girls and some guys. He kept on looking at me and the "bottle." Either he had a problem with me or the "bottle" because I never got served after this one.
Here is the sleeping beauty.
Some asshole wrote all over the walls with markers.
And some asshole sprayed water all over the elevator and made it non functional. It hasn't been functional for like 3 weeks. I want my shit pro-rated. Fuck I pay $10,000/year I expect my fucking elevator to work.
I discovered that cuddling can be called "spooning." See, imagine two spoons cornering (another Dr. Chiba XIV original word) in a drawer. They fit together nicely. Now imagine the spoons are people. That is spooning. I found this hilarious, and here I am spooning with Jake.
Here is Ernizzle and her roommate Jen.
Oh my god it is Avril, Avril Lavigne! No it is actually Lizzie. You are all probably saying to yourselves "Why the fuck aren't you dressed up?" Well my costume is subtle. I am a homeless gentleman.
I think she looks pretty good.
At some kid's house.
Ok, this night fucking ruled. This night was Halloween. I got so drunk it was ridiculous. I remember very very little. It was a really far party, and my friend Sargon carried me home on his fucking back like a savage. But this isn't Sargon. This is some fool with a neat costume.
Hey asshole how come you're not drinking Bud Light? Soraya and I went to high school together. We had a little heart to heart. Now that I think about it, she was probably fucking with me.
Look, it's Erin and the Bell. The Isabell.
Homeless kids and their parents come to trick or treat in our dorms. I am never around kids so I am not fully uh prepared in my lingo. To some 4 year old girl I was like take as much fucking candy as you want. The keyword there being fucking. Stricker goes Yasu don't drop the F bomb on little kids. Meanwhile the girl was running away screaming don't say that word. Hahaha I am so amusing.
Douglas is the greatest person ever. He is God's gift to women. What a creative, resourceful mofo'er.
Here is me spooning again on Cohen's bed with Jake.
I think this is exactly why some people think I am gay. Gay as in homosexual.
Holy shit it is the Emmett TRAIN.
...And his friend/roommate Bob.
This male model is Drew. Doesn't he look like that rich kid in WhiteBoyz?
Emmett train is sleepy. It is the 3:30am.
Well let me tell you a story which angers me horribly. IMPUNITY was the word of the night. And we were drinking with impunity until we ran out of our impunities. Apparently Emmett and someone else were walking into my room and these two RA's felt compelled to peek into my room. Some asshole left my closet door open so they saw 3 cases of the Bud Light. They stripped me of my dignity, belittled me and made me a he-bitch. They made me throw away nature's gold, nature's nectar, the Bud Light. All of them. This is my closet now without the barley juice. Do you fuckers understand how much that cost.
Bob cleaned our sink area very nicely!
This is a picture of me the following morning at 9:42 am. Robbed of my dignity and pride, I am a broken man. Thank you for doing this to me. I love you.