Hey yo. A lot of you have been bitching and
clamoring for a new update to The House. I have been spoiling you
with weekly updates for a while and I should be commended with a parade
and a plaque. That would be nice. Well here you go BITCHES...
The Ice House vs. Cozy rivalry has gotten fairly
heated... and this is was probably the last straw for them.
Kelsey was our spy... but due to this picture, that cover is now blown.
We built a new potato gun because our old ones were
highly unreliable. And a gun is something that nobody (except
when facing the business end of the barrel) wants malfunctioning.
It is more important than your Jaeger-LeCoultre timepiece.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Wieland was on ESPN a number of times on Sunday, March 6, 2005, along with some of her Cloud 9 ladies like Tiffany and Robyn.
Damn. It's just like old times... except one
of these three is engaged to be married. I hung out with Megan
and Marcy all the time freshman year.
And Shehan lived on my wing... damn we really need a
C Deuce reunion. We will have to fly in Cohen and Jake. And
the people that went crazy need not apply.
Asians get drunk really fast. There are exceptions, of course, as in everything in life.
Damn. Damn Swoboda is HAWT.
"Derrrr so that's where babies come from? Amazing! There must be an abundance of storks in the world!"
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Flaherty does not need to use lines like these to pick up women:
"Come on, you can't get pregnant again."
"Should I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"
You know what really pisses me off? People who
walk out of an exit... and then STOP. WTF? Are people so
oblivious that they do not realize that other people want to get
out? People like that need to be punched in the face with a key
between the knuckles.
Speaking of things that piss me off, here's another:
People who walk across a crosswalk... DIAGONAL. They too need to
be punched in the face, sans the key.
The lead singer in a band always gets the most
attention- from the media, in music videos, in people's memories.
Let's say you're a drummer. Do you go into your band accepting
that fact, or do you think it will be different for you since you are special? Or are some people actually about the music and not fame?
You know when people are like OMG my radar detector
has saved my ass so many times? How do they know that they
would've been ticketed? I've gone past the police at quite
accelerated rates and not been pulled over. What saved my
ass? Luck? If so, I think I'll stick with luck over a radar
detector, cause that shit's free.
The man in the middle looks like a cross between Peter Venturi and Vanilla Ice.
"Dr.! We need to win at least this number!"
Do you think that people that carry dogs in their pickup truck beds drive more safely than when they aren't carrying an example of man's best friend?
Spinach is great. But it makes my teeth feel all dry.
Ben stop trying so hard. All it takes is a pat
on the head and a cookie. Gingerbread nets you extra if you know
what I mean.
I cannot believe that some people still don't know
about the "%n" trick on AIM. I did it the other day, saying, "%n,
you fuck, you're probably the most vain person I know." And
people were not pleased because they thought I called them out.
Computer literacy is your friend.
Can someone tell me the reason for wearing a belt
with the buckle to the side? I see many people doing it, and when
questioned, one anonymous, tall, good looking individual said that her
11th grade Chemistry teacher did it, and her and her friends copied
it. Why do you do it?
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.
The infamous 911 debacle. Verber and Gainza
will become **** buddies soon. (Rated PG-13 for the kiddies that
read The House).
I saw Milo on ESPN. That's hot. So I
wrestled him. In the mud. Look at Chris... that's a little
scerrrrrry... for Milo.
End of night.
"The Pearls" think they owned us. Due to the
Pareto Principle, 20% of Cozy ruined it for 80% of them.
HAHAHA. Though I do feel bad for what happened/will happen to the
innocent. "The Oysters" will crush them like Mother Russia crushes insurgents with her iron fist.
Our house got syrup, oil, flour and marshmallows
thrown on it. And Benton's car. What a misfortune. Oh
well, at least we have pledges to clean the shit up.
FREECULTURALLESSON2U. Many Asians like the
number 8 a lot because it is written like this 八, which signifies
prosperity. Narrow at the top = weak sauce; wide at the bottom = MAKIN' MILLIONS.
We turned off Cozy's power and their hot water, so
the next morning these two lesbos came to our house and showered
together. That's hot. DVDs will be forthcoming for $2/copy.
Unfortunately due to the police making their rounds,
we had to take our lock off of their fuse box and turn their power back
Why is Gainza peacing on her left hand and flipping us off with her right? Is she a movie star now?
Friday, March 4, 2005
OK I made a mistake. I said that Budweiser
Select is my new favorite beer, toppling Bud Light. I am
sorry. The Prince will never be toppled. Select makes me
want to throw up early, gives me a headache and at the end of the
night, I don't feel drunk. That can have disastrous consequences.
Varni's birthday! This man was quite drunk for
he had been drinking with the Sig Pi brothers for quite a bit of
time. (The afternoon).
Do you bitches watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm?"
Gainza reminds me of Cheryl in terms of looks, voice and
personality. Perhaps she can score a humorous, rich, Jewish
little bald man too.
I like Mer's hair like that. It's hot.
Oh noez Lizzie McGuire! That face again!
How does a small lifeguard save a huge, obese black
woman from drowning? I guess people are lighter in water, but how
would one get the massiveness out?
Don't call it a comeback.
You know when Safeway has those deals like 20 for a
certain price, you can get 1 or 2 and still get the same
price/unit? Apparently Genna didn't know that and bought lots of
yogurt. Which is amusing because when I was buying up today the
couple in front of me was buying all sorts of yogurt.
I was banned from Cozy later in the night
because I sprayed pepper spray on Denise's wall (again), and to clean it
I used bleach, which definitely took the paint off.
The girl in the orange looks like a cross between Colleen Coen and that Spanish girl who lived in the back house last quarter. Maider.
School and the week wouldn't be as bad if you knew that you had to go to jail on the weekends.
Katie looks like Elaine from Seinfeld. But is her dad a billionaire? Let me go look on Forbes.com... yeah no.
Saturday, March 5, 2006
B.T. and I went up to Skyline to take some pictures
of our cars. Here are some of my favorites of Big Bird.
BBBBCAW! I want a new license plate BTW. How do y'all feel
about "KTHANX?" (Without the question mark).
Driving up, we ran into the gendarmes because a
Viper had run into misfortune, and we thought we were fucked because we
had been driving at a very accelerated rate. Luckily, they did
not do anything. Good work.
Do any of y'all know any other good picture spots?
That's hot. Very hot.
Oregon owned Nor*Cal at Flip Cup. Damn.
Damn. Oh well, at least at the end of the day we live in a much
I was fed some "Man Sauce" and no that is not the
same as man juice. It was spicy as fuck, but not as spicy as 911
sauce. We took these Pilots to Cluck U, where we had Amigo 1
& 2 sample the Man Sauce. They laughed at it. And then
two Pilots tasted the 911 sauce, and said that the Man Sauce was
spicier. We need a judge who's impartial.
End of night.
OK I don't get these fucking Santa Clara zoning laws
which allows properties to be so fucking close together. Our
neighbors have the urge to talk until 2-3am in that little tent area,
and it sounds like it's right outside my window. I wouldn't give
a fuck if I were awake, but when I'm trying to sleep, that shit is mad
annoying. And since it is a bitch move to call the police, I will
have to find recourse in air horns and annoying sounds played through
some high powered speakers. Hopefully I will not get a noise
violation... because then I am $900 poorer.
I wanted two shoh u mi rewm lyk dey shoh u on Cribs. Hear is mi dore.
Dis iz mi favorit stikur. It cost me $$$ becuz I bot it frum a vending muhsheen and it wuz the last won to cum owt.
Mi computur. Dey iz not two computurs, I just hav an extra screen.
I hav a pictur of myself becuz I thinc dat boy is cool.
Every1 haz a plazma on TV so I bot one two.
I hayt Califournya wether so dis keeps me cool derring da dayz.
Another pictur becuz I lyk mi TV so muhch.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Ben and Gainza had the bright idea yesterday to tape
tarp to the bed of Ben's truck and fill it up with hose water to make a
white trash pool. Here is the sight I was treated to when coming
home from my OMIS final which I pWned. Day drinking is great.
Later, when people's feet got too pruney and wrinkly
for everyone's tastes, they gathered to the stairs to talk about it
all- Gucci Claire, prophylactics, the new Febreze air fresheners they
have, Skoal, Aaron Carter and how wonderful I am.
Why does our school call the week before finals
"dead week" when we still have to go to class and have shit to turn
in? That's gay.
Ew do your fingers really smell that bad? You should watch where you stick them. HAH.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Have you been to the Cellar Market recently? A girl who works there is Prickett's twin except
After a bit of day drinking at the fountain and in
Benson, I got really, really drunk. I don't remember anything
past 9pm. Did you see me?
Apparently I put Gainza in a headlock and was
playing with her feet... a lot. That is disturbing because I
don't even like feet. They smell bad.
I was talking to a friend about Tivo and remembered that without me you fucks on campus would have trouble using it. I had to call throughout the two years I lived in that hellhole Campisi to get the LINC lineup in the Tivo system.
Walking on campus with Meredith one day with a
NetFlix package in my hand, Mer was like, "You can mail things on
campus? I thought that was only for people who live on
campus!" Oh my. If her and FerdiNANCY got married, their
combined naivete would yield extremely disastrous consequences.
I hear I was only at Cozy for 20 minutes. What
the fuck else did I do? I am about to have an anxiety attack I
hope I didn't do anything bad and have the cops come after me later.
End of night.
Oh sweet we love presents.
I thought it would spurt out more fluid than it does.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
I was watching "24" on my bed in my underwear with
Huens (fuck you he was sitting in a chair, he was not in bed with me)
when Mer walked by and looked in. I thought it was someone else.
She looked very good. Perhaps good looks run in the Connolly family. They run in my family, that is for sure.
Huens and I cannot believe that they let us take
this picture. Here they are holding their instruments of pleasure
when tricks aren't railing them. Was I so wrong when I smelled
What were they thinking circa 2003?
And that's 70. Enjoy the update BITCHES.
And notice that Mer lactates in a strange place. Who got her
pregnant? Only Ferdinoodoo will know...