After consulting with my man Peter Maag, I broke
down and bought a new computer. The old YasusHouse.com computer
has been decommissioned, and now I can work on The House at
school. However that gives me little to do at home, so I don't
know if that's a good thing. Expect updates on days other than
Thursdays and Sundays from now on.
Monday, February 14, 2005 (Valentine's Day)
Ben and I decided to go offroading because we were bored, girls don't like us and it had rained, so it would be nice and muddy. Unfortunately, we ran into some vehicular misfortune. With the tread full of mud, Ben could not steer or brake in time, hitting a pole.
See the red and white barber shop pole looking thing? We thought it was made out of wood, so we tried backing up to no avail. It was made out of concrete, and if we had gotten out and inspected it, we would've seen that backing up was a bad, bad idea. It punctured the radiator and something that controls the steering, and the car was smoking very badly. Oh noez.
After a 20 minute call with AAA, we decide to take shelter at a nearby restaurant because we were in a sketchy location, and we were unarmed. The restaurant was La Foret, an upscale dining establishment full of dressed up couples. We go to the bar, order some beer, and the bartender says, "Hey you know what guys? This one's on me. Happy Valentine's Day." Ben and I look at each other, then him, then somehow manage to sputter out, "Oh no... it's not like that..... we're not gay." It was awkward.
About 10 minutes later, the gendarmes roll in, looking for someone who had broken down, and tried to use the restaurant's phone. The employees all were like, "Yeah... no we haven't seen anyone like that." Then I could see that the police were eyeing us, since we were in sweatshirts and flip flops in a sea of tuxedos and tailormade suits. Ben was enthralled by the menu, and when the sheriff asked us if we had seen anyone like that, I confessed. That it was Ben.
After the sheriff scolded Little Benji Taft for trespassing, we grab another beer, on the house. When the tow truck arrived, we were ecstatic. Until the water pipe broke as the truck was being towed and started gushing water everywhere. Oh noez! A call to 911 got a sleepy looking water guy to come out to turn off the water.
Two tow trucks later, the pole is finally out from under Ben's truck. Look how dirty it is.
When all was said and done, we got home at 3:30am. The first AAA call was placed at 11:44pm. Special thanks goes out to Kevin Bric for picking us up at the tow yard.
The cost of the damages is $2500, and neither the police nor the water company has contacted BAT.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Dirty Denise had some pepper spray on her key chain, so Huens sprayed it on her wall. A few minutes later, as I was perusing the final list for the KAT event taking place the next day, I started all sorts of coughing and my eyes started to water. After the room had cleared, I saw that DD had another, bigger canister next to her bed, so I sprayed that on the wall as well. Well, at least we know they work.
When I can't stops me fiddlin',
I just takes me Ritalin.
I'm poppin' and sailin', man!
The Royal Family are seating around the table at Christmas dinner. Someone says, "Let's play 20 Questions." Emma asks, "Is it bigger than the bread bin?" Yes. Prince Charles questions, "Can I put it in my mouth?" Yes. The Queen blurts out, "Is it a black man's cock?" Indeed.
A distraught blonde calls her boyfriend and asks him to come home because she cannot solve her jigsaw puzzle. He asks her what the puzzle should be, and she says a tiger. The boyfriend reluctantly comes home, looks at the mess and shakes his head. "Honey, we are never going to be able to solve this puzzle. Let's put the Frosted Flakes back in the cereal box."
What's the hardest part about roller blading?
Telling your parents you're gay.
It's Ross' 12:01. Happy 21st.
OMG I just farted and it smells terrible up in here.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
KAT's "Crush" party. Wear green if you're single, yellow if you're hollerin', and red if you are taken, dating someone.
Avoid the clap at all costs.
Rob is wearing green and red. Mixed signals! He said that he didn't have a yellow shirt, so green and red together make yellow. He is a smart individual.
The HAWTNESS of sororities is cyclical.
It has been said that our house needs to have a house meeting to discuss how to be nicer to one Jen Gainza. Will it happen?
Due to some of the things I have written on The House, I am an asshole. Marisa refused to shake my hand and take a picture because I am an asshole and write mean things. If I was stalkerish, I guess I could've pulled a picture off of FaceBook and Photoshopped it in there, however that is asking for legal misfortune.
Asking her to name two examples, she said Claire and Angela. First of all, Gucci Claire is not a mean name. Gucci Claire is an appropriate title because one time she was describing to a friend of mine how much Gucci she owns. It is not like I am calling her OshKosh B'Gosh Claire. Gucci, and products of its parent company, The Pinault-Printemps-Redoute Group, are not for the poor. And the whole Angela thing I have no clue. I've never written nor said anything mean about her, EVARRR.
Moral of the story: If you are going to call someone out, make sure you do your research. There are plenty of things on The House that prove that I am an asshole. Every update will show at least one example of this.
Katrina looks like Natalie from "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV. "This party is going to make me soooo popular." and "In Roswell a lot of people didn't like me because I stood out because I was prettier than so many people." Other people across the nation may find this sort of talk outlandish, however hearing shit like that all the time, it is not sensational. That is not normal.
How often do you post with SC people who live near you? More or less than Katrina and Boat Dock?
I opened my front door one day to see not my cat sitting on my doorstep, but a rabbit. After staring at it for a while, it hopped away, down a hole. I didn't follow it, because you know what happens when you follow rabbits down holes.
Peterson's drink suggestions 2 u: Crown Royal and Sprite. Try it, it's spectacular.
GC was having a Punk Rock theme for Ross' birthday, and it is amazing when people can look all sorts of HAWT even though they're joke dressing.
Stop screaming in my ear. kthanx.
Tip of the day: If you plan on playing Beirut with Huens, don't. He drinks warm Keystone Ice, and I made the mistake of partnering with him. The shit was so gross I felt like puking (Michael Jackson calls this act "making elf juice") and could not finish. I was not even drunk at the time.
For the last fucking time, my name is "Yasu," not "Yasus." I am not fucking French, the "s" is not silent; the "s" in "YasusHouse.com" denotes possession. If apostrophes were allowed in URLs, I would put one there, however they are not, so I did not.
Please don't make fun of "this." She is sensitive.
If you see Caitlyn out alone, introduce yourself and keep her company. She will be pleased, and it is GOODKARMA2U. kthanx.
Matt Leinart of USC fame has rejected my invitation to be his FaceBook friend. The last I saw, he had 900+ USC friends and a long list of other school friends. This brings my total rejections up to 4.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Sweetser is being rereleased into the wild. Make sure to bring your green hat.
Roy Hills- The only man with the drunken gall to punch Jake Vale in the face. That is one thing you do not do.
In certain lighting, my camera takes fucked up pictures. I apologize. I think I found the problem, so pictures taken after tonight should be good to go.
Paris Hilton's Sidekick was hacked. I laugh at her misfortune, and all the people in her phone book. My personal faves- Eminem, Andy Roddick, Avril Lavigne and Vin Diesel . Every number we called was disconnected. I wonder how often celebrities have to change their phone numbers.
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
I tried to stay in bed until 5pm, however I had things to take care of so I only made it till 4:30pm. The next day, I got out of bed at 3:30pm. 5pm takes mad skills.
What did the bean say to the other bean?
How you bean?
"It's no use blaming the looking glass if your face is askew."
"The mirror is not an instrument of enlightenment but of illusion."
Where is Paddington Bear's little hat? Did one of you bitches steal it? 2827 Ball will kill you.
Someone sent this picture along with other children's books that never made it to print to 2828 Ball. Hilarious!
Hey it's everybody's two favorite freshmen- Molly and Caitlyn!
On the way back from The Hut I thought it would be a good idea to carry Benton and have a race with Ben who was carrying Dallas. Yeah bad idea. Benton is one of the heaviest assholes in the house, and we all know how much of a cooter I am when it comes to giving piggy back rides (Sara Brown) so I definitely ate shit and skinned my knee. I had forgotten how much they hurt.
After watching two movies having to do with robots, it made me think about when scientists are able to make robots that look human. Indubitably, people will fall in love with a robot, and will suffer all sorts of psychological misfortune when the robot doesn't love him/her back. NEWFIELDOFPSYCHOLOGY2U.
Only the Sloans would dance on the bench seat instead of on the dance floor like everyone else; thereby separating themselves physically and mentally from the unwashed masses that comprise SC.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
The next night during dinner here, this one kid wasn't eating so I asked him why. "I have a cold," he replied. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I was pretty quick on my feet at the time, so I said, "You are also neglecting to mention that you are anorexic." I thought it was hilarious, but nobody else did. DAMN.
Me, Naoe and Kohei. What a small world- Naoe went to the school I used to attend in Japan.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Subway?
Michael Jackson fucks little boys!
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Mer and Kelsey love the On Demand porn.
Here is Lizzie McGuire thoroughly enjoying watching Ben and Bric crisscrossing each other's pee streams, playing the old game of Swords. She wishes she could play. It can be done.
Yo mama so fat we're in her right now.
A man has a horrible accident and has his dong cut off. He sees a plastic surgeon who can replace it for a huge fee. The doctor takes him to the cabinet where the 6" dicks are, and the guy looks and says, "For that kind of money I want something bigger." To the next compartment, holding the 8 inchers. "Now that's OK," he says, "but I'm only going to do this one time so how about a monster?" "Well," the doc replies, "how about these 12 inchers?" The guy loves it and exclaims, "PERFECT! Do you have them in white?"
"Anyone who drives slower than me is an idiot, and anyone who drives faster than me is a maniac."
I wish on AIM there was some way to tell who has you on his/her buddy list. Perhaps a black circle next to mutual friends, and a white circle next to those that you have, but don't have you. And then a separate "group" for people that have you, but you don't have. That would be spectacular.
Does George W. Bush get presents on President's Day? Cause you know you get your pops something on Father's Day.
I don't know why, but I was the only one to "make elf juice" this night. And it was definitely more than once. Well at least I sacked up and puked and rallied.
Back in the day before my parents gave me credit cards, I used to write on every dollar bill that came into my possession. I wonder how many people I know eventually got them... I know one Todd Royce received one at the San Carlos Taco Bell. That's hot.
To start, we asked questions, and my favorite one was, "Would you rather have buttsechs with the person standing in front of you or die?" This was to Mer and Ferd, and Mer said she would rather die. HARSH.
HAHA Mandy Moore runs funny. And I know another girl who runs funny, with her hands out in front of her, limpwristed. I will take pics, stalker style, if the opportunity presents itself.
The Ice House team had to double up for many games because someone had to sit out because of the "Flip Cup Nazis."
57 games of Flip Cup, and Cozy beat us.
Damn. When playing Flip Cup though, please pour to the bottom
line, at least. Do not use an eye dropper to meter out each drink
like these girls. kthanx.
Damn them. Oh well I shall antique all of them in the future so that is funny2me.
Is it even worth a rematch?
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
This is what happens when a full, shaken up can of
Buddy Light is penetrated by a BB flying at a very accelerated rate
through the air. I found it intellectually stimulating.
Ferd moved Ben's rental car without telling him, and
Benji was not happy. So he parked his car parallel to the street
to block the driveway, preventing one Ferd E. Nancy to drive in.
Here is the little note that was taped to a window. How violent and hedonistically perverse!
Thomas Huens + Potato Gun + the girls' door = Them
frantically running out along with Justin to see what the damage is
this time. At least no windows were broken... this time.
February 23, 2005
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