Another year, over. One more year and then I's out, finished with school. I'm new to this whole Entirenet forum thing, so sadly these guys have been around for a while, but The Icy Hot Stuntaz are the fucking funniest people I have ever seen. I'm not one to push other people's websites on The House, however this one deserves honorable mention. Holler at the Icy Hot Stuntaz- Flame, Freeze and Blade. I wonder if they're serious or not. And I can't decide whether it'd be funnier if they are serious or if they're fucking around. People have been complaining about the length of time it took for this update to drop. Two words- Monetarily compensate me and updates will drop like nobody's business. Oh I lied about it being two words by the way.
Here they are! Aren't they ridiculous? Click the picture to holler at their website. My favorite line- "Wassup now bish? We changed outfits but we still ICY HOT."
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
We got ourselves a Jagermeister Tap Machine. Keeps the blood cold, however it's a little strange because it only keeps a few shots cold... perhaps there's a dead mouse in there somewhere.
If a fake New Jersey ID is made by a Californian for a Californian in California, is it truly an out of state ID?
Milo: "Huh? I should be scamming on Hunnah... if I weren't gay!"
If Hunnah switched places with Leland, Milo would be a happy man for he'd find himself in a dream-reality, a Man Sandwich. Just kidding Milo isn't gay.
Dave, you're supposed to look into the camera when someone's taking a picture of you!
So yeah, this isn't Lindsey's sister. I never got that memo.
I've always thought this girl looks a little like Elizabeth Burkholder, and by extension, one Stephen Burkholder. What do y'all think?
Friday, May 28, 2004
It's Marshall's birthday party (a day before the actual day of course, how else are you supposed to do it) and he's handing out shots of vodka like it's water. The only difference between water and vodka is the color... actually there is no difference.
I fouled out here because vodka tastes like poison. I don't understand how people take straight shots of it. Whiskey and gin I can handle. Vodka- you can keep that to yourself there Ivan The Great.
People brought an assortment of clothing for Marshall to model. After watching Zoolander, he found that to be his life calling. You think he'll make it armed with a contract from IMG?
What a funny face that Marshall's making. For those of you that don't know, that's his "I'm drunk as fuck and I'm taking a picture with Dr. Chiba, XIV" face. Yeah, I know he has a lot of them and keeps a list in his pocket with a small mouse he calls The Elven Archer.
Jason, Jason. You need to think of a haircut that will astonish me like in high school. I think I've seen this one. His sister Jenny called it a few years ago: You will read about Jason Schwartz in the newspaper for something really good, or something really bad. Ain't no middle man here!
Look for smallpaul to get big, and then I can scam coke and groupies off these guys like a leech. Remember- if a leech ever grabs on to you either burn it off with a "loosey" or just let it do its job!
Karaoke time- it's the Backstreet Boys, "As Long As You Love Me." I woke up to that song every morning for two years of high school. Perhaps I shouldn't tell everyone that... oh well. Anyway the people here were surprisingly good- then come along me and Fleming, awful awful. Karaoke is so much fucking fun.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Well it's a fire right off the freeway. Only YOU can prevent forest fires Chris.
It's a day of good eating- first at Charles' house for his sister's graduation party and then Figone's house for dinner. Oh them sausages were delicious. And it was nice gaining 5 pounds in a day.
On the way back from Figone's I had to pee unbelievably bad so we stopped at the Chevron station. Unfortunately after 10pm they lock the doors so I had to creatively think of a way to survive in this jungle so I urinated in a red cup in Ben's car (why the fuck would he let me do that) and threw it out the window. But I didn't get the greatest angle out of it because the car was moving, the cup was pretty fucking full, and I was in the backseat, so it got all over his window and side of his truck. Ain't that a B.
Friday, June 4, 2004
Huens is excited for the small pinata. But no, Katherine is not the pinata so stop pointing at her. Or are you pretending you're holding a gun to *pop pop motherfucker* someone?
It's birthday girl Daoro giving The Dr. a hug while Biz is doing a little jig she came up with during a boring study session one night. That's hot.
What if you had no depth perception? Look at Emily and Huens' hands. They kinda look like they are holding hands even though they are a few feet away. And do you like it when people pop their collars?
I told Mona to take a pull of of her liter bottle of wine, and she said that it wasn't classy for a lady to do that. Like it's classy for a man to do that either. Anyway, I replied that carrying a whole bottle of wine around and not sharing it is not lady-like either.
Katherine: "Shazam! I cast a spell on you to turn into Ben Taft's clone, so I have two of them for my viewing pleasure!" That's hot.
"See, but I knew who she was!" Ah it never gets old.
It is the History 7 club, once again. I really really want to get the whole class together one time (including the teach) and get f'n hammered. I find that shit funny. Kinda like how I can't wait until this year's block party and I will get so belig I won't know who I am and they will call the cops on me.
I heard they kick you out of school if you get convicted of a felony. But that's OK, because from all the money Dave's saved from THE BIGGEST SALE OF THEM ALL, he can afford a stunner lawyer who exclusively wears tailor made suits and baby elephant shoes.
It's the one piercing club! Now if it's one thing I hate more than tats on the backs of ghetto ass girls, it's like 5,000 piercings on a girl. WTF why would you need to wear that much jewelry? It's like they don't trust stocks nor banks so they keep their equity in precious metals on their person for easy access to pawn when the world's financial markets collapse.
Don't really recall how this came about but I think Bjorklund wanted me to take a picture with my pants off. And some asshole spilled beer all over my shorts while they were off and it could've given me pneumonia.
*Brush brush* "Don't bring none of that weak millionaire shit! We's from Medina- the billionaire club!"
Andy Solari talking to Ben for a consultation on his drinking problem...
Because he goes f'n huge every time he comes down to SC. Perhaps even in the UCB too, who knows?
Why is she looking so serious? It's like she just 'eard that someone stole her nose and refuses to give it back.
Here's Solari back at the scene of the accident.
Let me remind you of what happened.
It was this guy's car he puked out of.
Losing it...
And he starts rolling around in it... WTF?
"That there's a drunk boy. That's how I like them. Can I take him home with me?" Sure, for $5.
Solari, go to bed. Christina: "Look at my teeth! I used those Crest strips and now I'm a B1!"
Laura: "Get me out of here I need to see a certain bird." By the way, I'm going to buy a bright blue parakeet, name it Ferd E. Bird and train it to say, "I'm a good Ferd E. Bird. I'm a good Ferd E. Bird." over and over. How long do you give the rest of the guys at the house to kill the bird and eat it for dinner?
A random: "Hey my friend told me you're gay." Huens: "Should I hit you or your friend in the face?"
Saturday, June 5, 2004
I's in White House with Tarantino working on financial matters when we hear a crash and dash outside. Some dumb girl hit this girl and started crying because she had no insurance. Why would you go around driving without insurance?
We're sitting out here drinking, shooting the shit and yelling at Dunne when this black Tahoe drives by with the driver holding a Taser out the window, sparking it, yelling, "DIE MOTHERFUCKERS DIE." We were all, WTF? Don't you have to be kinda close to someone to do any damage with a Taser?
Sunday, June 6, 2004
My first day at the horse track. You may have remembered from our Vegas trip that Jeffer won me some money with Smarty Jones and Rock Hard Ten. The only disappointment I had about this track- the popcorn was shitty. I guess at least they had popcorn. Oh yeah it was also hella weird when this girl goes, "Let them in." as we're paying to park. We failed to notice until we were driving by that the girl was from SC.
Well I thought I'd win some Superfectas... but that didn't happen. So of course I had to rip up my tickets, torn dreams of grandeur and riches. Like all the miserable old men at the track throwing away their lives.
We won! Ben and I waged 1, 6, 2, 4 for the Superfecta, but it was 1, 6, 2, 5. Ain't that a B- we should've bet a Trifecta. But I won my show, Quinella and Exacta bets. From the previous races, we thought we'd win a substantial amount of money, but it definitely only turned out to be like $30.
Monday, June 7, 2004
Reading this blatant advertising you'd think that the total would be like $40 or $50, because of the "Plus Mileage." Wrong wrong. For $19.95, you get the truck and then you'd immediately have to give up your keys. To actually drive the truck anywhere (fucking hard by the way, I couldn't see shit out the sides or back so I had to guess. I'm glad I didn't hit anyone. Perhaps I did, but didn't notice it. Oh well, I haven't received any notice yet so I should be cool.) it is another $14 for insurance plus $0.79/mile plus GAS! WTF if it's 79 cents/mile gas should be included. Ain't that a B.
Wednesday, June 9, 2004
Since Ferd E. Bird didn't do anything for his 12:01 because he was "sick," it's a week later and it's time to get "that" drunk. Jeff, Tafter and I were feeling like assholes (hey when don't we?) so we got an old bottle of Grey Goose and filled it with the absolute cheapest vodka we could find- White Wolf, $5.69 for a fifth. There was another brand that was $5.69 but it was diluted. F that we want this high quality charcoal filtered shit, from San Jose.
Of course, Ferdie was happy that we spent that much money on his birthday present.
To those who didn't know, the vodka was "hella smooth." Coming from Ferd and Leland, specifically. What a great experiment- people actually commending a $5.69 vodka because they think it's Grey Goose. For this shot, Jeff actually took it while Ben slyly poured it into his cup. For the "shots" that Dallas and I took with Ferd, we definitely drank water. Haha we are so sick.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
It's cool when you buy a shirt to specifically wear out that night. I know 2 out of the 3 people in this picture did just that, however I will keep their identities secret in case they want it to be www.shhhhhhhh.com.
The other night I dreamed I was writing a paper in the computer lab. WTF what kind of boring dream is that? While other people are off dreaming of fighting evil dictators with extraordinary intelligence, good looks and of course the ability to shoot hot fire from appendages, I'm writing a fucking paper. While other people are dreaming about eating bacon and sausages on top of a dragon, I'm typing on a computer. No GBGH'n here.
I didn't think I got that drunk but apparently I did. I woke up in my closet. I probably crawled in there because it was warmer (I had no furniture in my apartment cause I moved that shit out earlier in the week). Oh and another tip that you're drunk- you fucking forget what your apartment number is and have to call your roommate. Well, at least I was sober enough to do that.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Well people got fucking drunk this night. Here's Dallas eating everything in sight and eventually passing out on the other couch, perhaps to keep me company.
"I guess it's not too gay if I'm under the sheets and he's over them." But Chuck, you fail to realize you are sleeping on a twin not a California King.
End of night.
Holler at this. While in Sweden Burkholder got me a signed, personalized "I Promised Myself" single from the A*Teens. Nevermind that the "Extended" mix is pretty much the same song as the regular one, this is getting framed.
'ave you seen the Ashlee Simpson show? She's f'n hot, hotter than Jessica Simpson and yes that's all due to Dr. Chiba's theory. She kinda looks like Snodgrass doesn't she?
Well, basically I am awesome. We went to the Way to pick up some beer when I put a few bucks into the scratcher lottery ticket machine. I won, so I put those earnings into more tickets. At the end of 30 minutes, with The Mister Ted fuming, I won $80 or so, and that's with the money I put in. Ridiculous.
Saturday & Sunday, June 19 & 20, 2004
Well it's Skip Barber's 2 day driving school @ Laguna Seca. What's hotter than some hot mechanic girl drifting a Formula Dodge around the racing paddock at 8 in the morning? The coffee I spilled on myself when I jumped up for a better look. Just kidding. About the latte(r), not the former. That last sentence was absolute brilliance by the way.
Here's the Formula Dodge car that yours truly was 4 wheel drifting at the Car Control Clinic. If it's one thing I learned at Skippy, it's this- look where you want to go. It seems blindly obvious, but when you're going to hit a tree or a guardrail, where are most of you looking? The tree or guardrail. Look to where you want to go, and most likely you can avoid the obstacle. If this happens to save your life or averts some mishap, you can thank me with a hug and a kiss. If you are a dude or an ugly girl, breakfast at Denny's and a high 5 will suffice.
So I had time to kill because the school ended at 5 and I was by myself for the weekend. Why not go to the Aquarium? Well one thing, it fucking sucks now. The last time I went it was f'n awesome with the snakes and other non water creatures. But now the only cool thing they have are the penguins, but they were sedated or something because they were very still soldiers.
Did y'all know this shit was fo real? Let me tell you a joke I 'eard on Last Comic Standing by Alonso. "So you know in Seattle people take ferries because they don't want to cut down the trees to build bridges. Let me tell you something; black folk don't like to take boats to work. We already fell for that once." That was the funniest thing I've 'eard all month.
Of course, the obligatory picture of me in the Viper. Holla y'all! BTW, $50 makes a huge difference. This weekend I stayed at Embassy Suites which was surprisingly nice for the price. Then on Tuesday I stayed at Holiday Inn Express, which was, let's say, "Pleasantly ghetto." If Embassy Suites wasn't overbooked, I would've had 1) complimentary cocktails from 5:30-7:30 (wtf this is great) 2) a complimentary cook to order breakfast (i.e. unlimited bacon, sausages and omelettes) 3) shampoo that fucking lathers 4) the security in knowing that I my room isn't accessed from outside.
End of weekend.
I filled up and my gas gauge showed EMPTY. WTF. So I looked on the Entirenet for advice since I rely solely on the Innatron, and I guess if one pulls fuse 31 it should reset the gauge. It kinda did, to make the gas tank FULL when it wasn't. Oh well, at least now Big Bird is an optimist and not a pessimist.
Dominos is the greatest game ever invented. Here is Loser Ted, who didn't win one game. Not one game out of 13. GBGH.
Can this man build anything? Here's the quality humidor Douglas made. He also welded himself a go kart using spare parts from scooters.
Is Doug a woman? What's a man weighing over 200 pounds doing drinking Mike's Light?
Does this mofo'er not look like Jack Black?
I have to stop getting drunk and offering people money to do things. I'm going to end up homeless. Anyway I offered Steve $20 to drink like 30 packets of Del Scorcho hot sauce. What the fuck am I thinking this is the same man that drank half a bottle of some Mexican hot sauce at CPK. Thankfully Doug threw me a bone in the form of a $5 bill.
And... we can guess who eats this.
Friday, July 2, 2004
Urn hasn't been represented on The House for a while, so big ups.
Ferd is the only man with the audacity to change the channel when a man is watching a telly progam, the progam being Sonic X. "But it was over!" he claims. Doesn't matter.
Well it's Conlin's birthday party at Pub and I'm very surprised at how many nugs showed up during the summer.
Tarantino kept on saying "This bitch looks like she's 14." over and over again while also claiming his model status with his face being insured for $10M. Then he busted out a camera and was about to take a picture of said girl when she bounced up and starts slapping him with ferociousness I've only seen while on African safaris. She calmed down, muttering, "You motherfucker, say it again. SAY IT AGAIN." Tarantino promptly obliged, and as the bitch was leaving she threw a pool ball at him but luckily she missed. WTF who throws a pool ball when putting it in a sock is much more accurate.
Drunk drunk Ben watching TV by himself. Good night!
Saturday, July 3, 2004
A man was angry and drunk, not a good combination. He started to bounce against the walls, and created a gigantic hole. And this is after he made a hole in the ceiling like 2 minutes prior.
Here is Huens, the angry drunk.
"Can you take me to Jack in the Box? Really? Great. I will be sending my representatives out shortly."
Good going Huens you made another one.
STATUS: Pretend passed out.
Happy 4th of July!
July 4, 2004
I went over to Plunkett's house for a bit to say holla atcha boi when I noticed this huge Crunch bar. It felt real, and apparently his pops won it at some auction. Now if anyone can eat this whole thing in one sitting, that would be the most amazing thing ever.
July 4, 2004